far from any road
it has been a while since i have written anything other than a text. i suddenly got a strong urge to do so just before bed. i get that feeling usually before bed. its almost like ive wanted to say things and i dont want to go to bed without saying them. im reading steppenwolf. i have a headache. steppenwolf is good i think, its a little hard to follow, but i like that because a person like the narrator is often hard to understand. my teeth hurt. i showered, but i didnt want to. i only washed what had to be washed. i enjoyed the heat for a little bit. i love when the hot water is pouring down my shoulder. it reminds me of an amazing feeling. kind of like when you wrap a heated blanket around yourself. it reminds me of a feeling more amazing than that. im a bit hungry, but again, my teeth hurt. gosh darn it. sometimes i feel like i can only really talk to myself. no one else really understands me. i feel like people dont really see me for who i am. who knows what they see. i dont feel physically incredible right now. i want to sleep for a long time, but i cant. i like to get at least 10-12 hours a night. ive been enjoying a good 11 lately. i forgot how much i dont like having responsibilities. i dont like being told to be somewhere at a certain time. that should really be up to me. i had a very sad thought today, about how people should really get jobs for health insurance. what do you do if you dont have a job, and no independent health insurance you can pay for? health is such an interesting concept. why are our bodies like this? are they just rotting? i wish i was immortal. i am terrified of death. i shouldnt be but i am. i dont want to die, but sometimes i can feel my body is on its way. not anytime soon, but at some point its going to give out. its fragile and i am a material being. i could be immortal. i cant really know for another 80-90 years. i wish i could stay this age forever.