hear it call hear it call to me constantly
on some days like today i experience a kind of living that is divorced from objective engaged life. i experience a kind of being that is not being as ive known it before. a being where i just am, i lose track of time. it feels a bit like i become a completely passive object. i feel as if i am pure experience, like all that i am is a thing that is experiencing what happens out there. is that all i am? am i just a sponge of experience? what am i if not what happens to me? am i anything at all? i feel today as if i am pure experience. i feel so present, i feel so devoid of objecthood. i feel collateral, and that sound so pathetically vague, but i cant explain it. i feel like an accident. i feel like im a byproduct of what happens outside of me. i feel so close to understanding what living is. what it is to be alive is what it feels like. what it feels like is what happens. what happens just is. ive lost track of time. i feel close to pure being. often it feels like i look inside at my own past being, or that i try to. but past being is speculation. is past being a thing at all? i think i just am. what am i? i feel like a conduit. i feel like a machine.