is he willing? can he play?
ive been having some back to school thoughts and maybe it will do me some good to write them here. i read back a couple posts i shared last year, and was shocked by how completely vulnerable i am sometimes, even though this is technically public. i am positive no one will find this. it kind of feels good to think its public. anyways.
i was thinking about seeing myself through eyes of other people, or at least imagining what they see when they look at me. i cant stop thinking about it. i thought about whether id want to pursue some avenue of ancient greek philosophy but then realized everything there is to be said has been said. these things have been torn apart. what do i have to add?
i dont know what to call the act of oral sex on a penis. saying 'blowjob' feels ... dated. 'head' feels a little broccoli head youth... what do i call it? i call it 'sucking dick' in my head, but that admittedly feels quite crass, but im also not the queen, so its not that bad for me to speak that way. sometimes it feels good, even though most of the time it feels like too much effort. if im in the mood it feels quite good. it helps me feel more like a sexual being. sometimes im scared to be active during sex in any way because in some ways i try to minimize myself as much as possible, kind of in an attempt to go unnoticed? which is strange. sometimes i notice things that make me think if i dwelled on them id drive myself insane. coincidences and such. things seem to go weirdly parallel for me. id love to explain that in depth to someone, at some point.
im reading a lot about socrates. he was quite ugly, which i forgot about, and that factoid makes me uncomfortable. i guess because like most people i have an aversion towards ugly smart-ass people. it would be tolerable if he was hot. i guess thats why its important for everyone now to know he was actually ugly. alcibiades tried to sleep with him, which he, through a caliber of resilience only found in royal blooded men, resisted. it was revolting, not for any PC reasons, but because i know he is ugly.